She's Out of My Life
by melody425
Summary: A GSR songfic to She's Out of My Life by Josh Groban, written from Grissom's perspective. Set after Play With Fire. Please review! I do not own any of the CSI characters, any of Josh Groban's songs or any other affiliations.


"_She's Out of My Life"- Josh Groban_

_She's out of my life  
She's out of my life  
And I don't know whether to laugh or cry  
I don't know whether to live or die  
And it cuts like a knife  
She's out of my life_

Sara Sidle has always been both a burden and a blessing to me. In one light, she was a young, love-struck woman, who didn't realize that I was too old for her and couldn't make her happy. She annoyed me sometimes, the way she'd hang onto every word I said and how she'd expect me to open up to her all the time. Now, I also have to mention that Sara's been a godsend to me. She was always so full of life that made me feel young and energized again. She was also so intelligent, always telling me about an article or a new procedure she'd read about.

I never, "made a move," towards Sara, but I always knew she pined for me and I guess I figured it would always be that way. My assumption shattered one day, the day she first saw the all grown up, Greg Sanders. He stole her from me. In one sense, I was happy because she wouldn't be so gaga over me anymore, but in another, I was deeply hurt. She was supposed to be my Sara forever.

_It's out of my hands  
It's out of my hands  
To think for two years she was here  
And I took her for granted I was so cavalier  
Now the way that It stands  
She's out of my hands_

I wish I could do something about this, but I can't. I could have stopped it before, but now it's gone too far. When Sara and I first met in San Francisco, we had what you could call a fling. I was there for a week long seminar on entomology and Sara was my most eager pupil. It started out with coffee and questions after the first session, then dinner the next, a movie the one after that, supper in her apartment the fourth, and then for the fifth, sixth, and seventh, we could be found entangled under her bed sheets. Before I left for Vegas, I told her it couldn't go on. I was too old for her; she needed someone young who could give her what she needed. I knew she was hurt, but did perk up a little when I mentioned we could stay friends over email. So, that's how it went on for over a year, until I made that fateful call to bring her to Vegas for good.

From the moment I first saw her at my crime scene, I knew she still had a place in her heart for me. At that very instant, I should have told her that I loved her and then I wouldn't have the problem I have today, but no, I had to be insolent and pretend to believe in all those pitiful excuses I gave her back in San Francisco. Since I chose to believe my stupid reasons, I've truly lost her.

_So I've learned that love's Not Possession  
And I've learned that love won't wait  
Now I've learned that love needs expression  
But I learned too late_

This entire experience with Sara Sidle has taught me a great deal. You can't let something as silly as age get in the way of love. Love isn't something that can be put on a shelf when you don't want it or need it. Someone can't tell that you love them by doing your normal activities; you need to verbalize your true feelings.

Once Sara told me she was interested in me. I simply brushed it off and told her that I was not in the least interested in her, but she saw through it and simply said, "You know, one of these days you're going to figure it out, but you really could be too late." Now I know what she means, I am too late.

_She's out of my life  
She's out of my life  
Damned Indecision and cursed pride  
Kept my love for her locked deep Inside  
And it cuts like a knife  
She's out of my life_

Now I go through my life hating myself. Hating my inability to take chances and make decisions, my horrible ego, my stupid old fashioned ideas, and my inadequacy to express my true feelings. Every day, I try to think up ways of how I could get her back, but it's hard considering she now has a husband, daughter, and a son on the way. I guess I've lost her for good.


End file.
